Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
