guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
