Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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