worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
