i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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