I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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