fuck your aforementioned shoe
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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