miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
