Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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