I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
