I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
