Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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