I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
