Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
