Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
