No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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