Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
