My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
