He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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