I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
