You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
