I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
