sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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