is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
