There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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