well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
