All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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