waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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