The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
