Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
