So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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