Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
