the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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