I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
