I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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