i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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