in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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