Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
