Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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