nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
