I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
