My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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