If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
