Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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