I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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