it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You are the jesus of drinking
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
