Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
