Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
