I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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