My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
