can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
