I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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