is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
