I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
