I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
