her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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