HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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