the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
