So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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