I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
