I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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