i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
