I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
