Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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