did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
please don't ironically join a cult
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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