So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
