I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
