My room smells like vodka and shame
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
