I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How does it feel to date your dad?
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