She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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