dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
